WishCasting Wednesday: Believing in Myself

Today's question from Jamie Ridler's Wishcasting Wednesday blog is:

What Do You Wish To Believe In?

I have no trouble believing in love, God, and that life is ultimately good. I have lived according to my beliefs and I have to tell you that God has never, ever failed me, not even once. My life has not been easy and I have weathered my fair share of storms, but my beliefs have led me through no matter how hopeless things looked. What I've struggled with, and still do, is belief in myself, that I have the strength and perseverance to face the giant mountains still in my path. I waver, I quake, I want to give up and think that this is it, this is going to be the challenge that buries me. Today, I wish to believe in myself.

This is a colored pencil drawing on Moleskine that I did when I found out that my son had cancer (he's fine, by the way). It was the night before I had to take him to the hospital for his first chemo treatment. A red bird for me always symbolizes HOPE. We both made it through that trial!

I love the library! And I need Beads!

Today we're having sort of a wind situation in Georgia, like it's blowing so hard my wind chimes are pretty much going sideways and clanking like they're possessed. I live out in the country, so all we have is DSL for our internet, and it seems like every few minutes I have to unplug the router, plug it back in, click my heels together three times and say Rumpelstiltskin to get it to go back on. If you want to watch TV on the Roku (we don't have regular TV) everyone has to be off the wireless on their phones and maybe on other computer can be on. What is this? The dark ages? Anyway, today I think the wind is making the phone lines all wonky so our internet is on/off/on/off/off and off then on and I am beside myself because my entire life is on my computer. We were all walking around the house in circles like zombies trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. Living in the country is not for the fainthearted people! So guess where I am? The library, the place where there are real books and old lady librarians, hushed tones and, um...the internet. Yeah, ok, I'm not Mrs. Ingalls, but I did page through an autobiography about Goldie Hawn (please, no one cares, it's super boring) and waved hi to some ladies doing a Bible Study in one of the study rooms. I brought my phone, my phone charger, my computer and computer charger, have everything all hooked up and am writing my "deep thoughts" blog post and now I have to go to the bathroom. Now, I'm from a big city and where I come from you don't leave your electronic shit sitting in the library while you go to the bathroom, but I really have to go! Some days I should just stay in bed and read my Kindle Fire. Oh yeah, I can't cuz their ain't no internet. Did I mention I can't check out a book until I pay my library fines?

Here's my Etsy situation too, which is really bugging me: I hate all of my beads. I've outgrown them, but I still have a huge amount of them, I've used all of the cool ones up and I need more, LOTS MORE. My style has really changed over the years and I literally still have beads I bought ten years ago that I don't know what I was thinking because they're so cheapy looking. As I mentioned, I live way out in the country and the nearest bead store is about a zillion miles away. In Minnesota I had about 3 or 4 bead shops that were close to me and each of them had different things, but all the things I liked to use. I like to feel and see my beads, touch every single thing in the store, but about 400 things on my tray, put half of it back because I don't actually have 500.00 in my purse, then take everything home and stare at it for a couple of days. I used to go to craft shows to buy beads and raid the stash of every wanna be/quitter beader I knew (sorry about the false hopes ladies!). Now I have to buy all my stuff off Etsy and while I do get some amazing beads, it isn't the same. Waaaaaahh! Poor me!!! I've still managed to make awesome jewelry, don't get me wrong, but I need supplies. I did order some stuff that I think is coming from Mars, or somewhere equally far away because it's taking weeks to get here. Maybe I should read that stuff sellers put on their "policy" page before I push "submit". Ya think?

Ok, here's a few pictures, then I have to go to "the ladies" as they call it down here. Happy Monday ya'll!

Bollywood Memory Wire Bracelet

African Stone Bead Bracelet

Native American Turquoise Bracelet

Wishcast Wednesday

Today's question for WishCast Wednesday is: What do you wish to learn? 

Mmmm...This is a good one. I'm trying to think of something and I really don't have an answer right off the top of my head. Most of the things I wanted to learn, practical things, I've either learned or realized after trying that it's just not in the cards, that I basically am terrible at it and don't like it much either. Like cooking...I am really a terrible cook and to be honest, don't enjoy it. Ok, I have it. I would really like to learn how to knit. I love yarn, I love handmade knitted things and the colors I could combine would be so pretty! It's transportable, you can do it while you watch t.v. and shove it all in a basket so people aren't stepping on it or putting their dirty sweat socks on it (like they do my bead tray that I bring in the house when I want to be-dazzle and watch Prime Suspects). So, that's what I want to learn. KNITTING. Oh, and patience, not being so co-dependant and living without fear.

Beaded Jewelry and Being Young at Heart

 My daughter took this photo of me and I just love it because it really looks like who I am at this point in my life. I'm happy, I have crow's feet, blue eye glasses from the dollar store, a feather in my hair and a pair of earrings that I did have for sale in my Etsy shop, but I'm kind of thinking I'll keep for myself since they're so cute! I had no idea my hair was getting that grey, but I actually like it. I never thought much about getting older, I was never one of those women who cared that much about age or made much of an effort to stay young; I always loved to see old ladies that let themselves age naturally but had that young at heart vibe going. To be honest, I think I now finally look on the outside the way I've always felt on the inside.

This bracelet started out as an ocean bracelet with beachstone, agate, driftwood, silver, stone, fish...the whole beachy works. I worked on it and worked on it and it just did nothing for me so I took it apart and once again let the bracelet tell me what it wanted to be. This isn't my normal piece of jewelry, but it turned out so amazingly gorgeous! Most of the stuff I found packed in boxes that were laying out on my bead table since I was too lazy to put them away after we moved. I have no idea where that rusted patina(ed) bell came from OR the bear fetish bead, but I threw 'em in together! I love turquoise and red together. I found these Native American Trade Beads in an Antique Store in Greensboro Georgia and they had the 1700's written on the tag, which who knows? There are a lot of Native things here you can find in Flea Markets and Antique stores, more primitive items than I could find in Minnesota; probably because they aren't covered in 10" of snow!

I was reading all the SEO forums on Etsy and one of the things you read about all the time is to have a consistent "look" and to have your photos be consistent as well. I looked at my shop and it isn't very consistent, but when I thought about what I would change, I couldn't think of anything! Some pieces look better with a white background, some with wood and like the photo above, on someone's arm. And another thing...I can't make the same thing over and over again, I'd go bonkers. My jewelry tells a story, they are one of a kind, unique pieces that you might not wear to a wedding or a cocktail party (well I would!), they each have their own message and personality. I will say that a lot of those shops that sell a wire wrapped gemstone on a chain sell thousands of pieces and they are gorgeous, but it isn't me. Like the photo of me, I am me and that is enough. Toodles My Noodles!

Beaded Jewelry, Photographs and Daughters

Rustic Bracelet

...with matching earrings

My new favorite bracelet ever!! Springtime...

My beautiful daughter, Becky, who is now my official photographer!

I have a million things to do, so many responsibilities that sometimes it's very, very overwhelming and I don't know where to begin. It's never anything big, just little everyday ordinary life hassles that seem to pile up. But, today I'm not going to worry about all the things I didn't do or all the things I have to do tomorrow, I'm going to experience today and enjoy where I am and what I have and who I love. My kids are all with me, I have an amazing boyfriend who is so supportive, we're all healthy, we have good food, our house is way out in the country and I love it, and I have great friends. School is a hassle and I feel like I'm climbing a gigantic, never ending mountain, but I will finish (one more semester) and I work with another therapist that is truly one of those gifted, intuitive and funny therapists you always hope you find but never do. It's not snowing here in GA, it's sunny and the birds are singing, spring is on it's way so yeah, I'm going to enjoy this day, this moment, and be grateful for who I am and what I've accomplished.

I've been making some really cool jewelry and selling pretty well in my Etsy Shop, but I am soooooo sick of taking photos, writing descriptions, doing and re-doing my titles and tags, it's annoying! But, my daughter, Becky is a great photographer and for the low low price of making her a couple of pairs of earrings and maybe a bracelet or two, she's agreed to take photos of my jewelry for me. That's a huge thing off of my plate and it's something we can do together. My other daughter likes to work out, so that mommy/daughter activity will take some time since I haven't exercised on purpose since forever, but I can certainly drive her to the club!

Happy Sunday all, enjoy today!

Life is All About Change!

I haven't posted anything for a long time because my life keeps moving so fast that I can't catch up enough to write about it! We moved to a great house even further out in the country, my 2 daughters moved from Minnesota to Georgia and now I have ALL my kids living with me, I'm trying to finish school, seeing a lot of new clients, building a practice and, last but not least BEADING. This past week I started setting up my new studio and if I can get my butt off the couch today (or tomorrow, or the next day) I'm going to start creating in my new space. Change is great, I love new things, but it is exhausting and I can't find most of my stuff...moving 8 billion beads is basically HELL.

My daughter took this of me sitting in my swing! 

It's great having kids around again, even though they aren't exactly children anymore, and our house is very lively to say the least! Some laughing, some yelling, crying a few times and learning to be a blended family. I still can't believe my life is this awesome sometimes and I can't really tell you how I managed to pull it off, but when I wake up every day I literally say "thank you God" and he say's "you're welcome Bethie"...we chat like that. The Lord and I have walked down some interesting roads together, some days I didn't think I could put one foot in front of the other I was so scared. But I hung in there and so did He, with some laughing, some yelling, and crying a few (million) times. Anyway, life is good. It's a little terrifying, but it's really, really good and I'm so glad that in my darkest moments I would hear that still, small voice telling me that I could do this, that one day the storm would be over and that I was strong. I didn't believe Him, but as usual, God is pretty smart and He was right. Peace.

Letting Go and Making Jewelry

I've been making a lot of jewelry about "letting go" these days--necklaces and bracelets with houses, trees, birds and, for some reason, skulls. It all means something, I'm not sure what, but I'm guessing I'm going through a transition phase in my life (again) that involves letting go of the past, embracing the NOW and, letting go of the future. To live in the NOW is very, very, difficult, but whenever I start regretting the past or mourning it (and I do believe grieving is an important part of letting go), I have to discipline my mind to be right here, right now and trust that God does have an amazing plan for my life. You know, He doesn't just have a plan for the future, He really did have a plan for my past and I can see that now. I can honestly say that every little bit of pain was a lesson, bringing me closer to the truth I needed to understand and it brought me to where I am today, which is a pretty awesome place! But I've learned, the hard way, to hold on very loosely to things and to be fluid... to be flexible about life so that I don't miss what is right in front of me. I have a friend that is so fixated on the way she wants things to be that she doesn't notice what already is, which she would readily admit. What is the price we pay for not being able to let go? Misery; we're never happy with anything because it doesn't measure up to our expectations and we're constantly disappointed.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend and he was asking me about my life. WOW! What a life I've had! I look back and I see a woman who has made a TON of mistakes, but had so much courage to try something new, to seize opportunities, to love without the promise of getting much back, to change directions and risk total failure. Part of living this kind of life is learning to let go of the way things were supposed to be, not so much the way they were; and it is sad, it does hurt, and it deserves to be mourned. But once you work through that, the future begins to look brighter and you are stronger, you have begun to heal. That's what my jewelry is about these days: letting go and healing so that I can open up my arms and welcome what is to come...right here, right now, today.